Music

one-eighth Apache, three-fourths Cherokee

one-eighth Mohawk, three-quarters Choctaw

one-eighth Black Foot, three-fourths Red Sox

I’m more Indianer than all of y’all

I got a proud nose and high cheekbones

just call my pine cone it’s my fucking telephone

and then we’ll smoke a bowl around the totem pole

and ride a buffalo to the casino

Chorus

so you wanna pow wow, let me show you how

we’ll do a rain dance for my magic plants

but don’t you fuck with my Indian burial ground

or you’ll be fucking dead cause my arrow head

Chorus

you can’t see me hiding in my teepee

I’m eating popcorn from a fucking elk’s horn

I fuck this white bitch with my thunderstick

I got a tom-tom-tommy-tommy-tommyhawk

and I can understand when the little birdies talk

Chorus twiced

I woke up in a pool of my dog’s own vomit

I guess he must have overdosed last night

I was fixin my transmission on my 97 chevy

scratchin on my titties and drinking miller light

Well Bandit I guess you done picked your poison

that antifreeze I spilled upon the drive

And maybe if I’d bought you that expensive dog food

it may have just decreased your appetite

if I had not got drunk and knocked over the bottle

of antifreeze upon the drive

Oh Bandit you might still be alive

Well I guess I got frustrated

that damn truck’s so hard to fix

and you was trying to get my attention

showing momma your brand new tricks

you was bucking like a bronco and eating lots of grass

you was whimpering like a whooperwill

and scootin around on your ass

Now you’re stiffer than the oak tree

to which I had you tied to

I made some mistakes

it don’t mean Mommy didn’t love you

If I had not got drunk and knocked over the bottle

of antifreeze upon the drive

Oh Bandit you might still be alive

Oh Bandit you might still be alive

This is the worst damn day of my life.

I’m warshin my big ol pussy in the historical Mississippi

hoping the General Jackson don’t run me down.

Them young men on their jet skis

I sure hope that they see me

warshin my big ol pussy fore I go to town.

Them alligators in the Delta I’m certain that they smelled ya

a’warshin your big ol pussy fore you go to town.

Pollution from the factories and acid from car batteries

that’s the smell of my big ol pussy

should you want to go down.

I’m warshin my big ol pussy in the historical Mississippi

hoping the General Jackson don’t run me down.

Them young men on their jet skis

I sure hope that they see me

warshin my big ol pussy fore I go to town

Just a’warshin my big ol pussy

should you want to go down.

I got a New York shoe-shine

I got a Dallas bolo tie

I do what I want dammit

Whatever I want to dammit

I eat an Eskimo pie

I make a little kid cry

I do what I want dammit

Whatever I want to dammit

I have a happy holidays

Don’t matter about what you say

I do what I want dammit

Whatever I want to dammit

I do what I want dammit

Whenever I want to dammit

Honey I feel your bone, I’d rather sit here all alone

Oh honey I feel your bone, I’d rather sit here all alone

You tell me that you love me, don’t try and corrupt me

I’m saving myself for Jesus

You can titty-fuck me, Tie me up, dry-hump me

and slap me in the face, I’ll even let you call me mommy

He died upon the cross, let me get my point across

My hymen belongs to Jesus

Honey I’ll roll over let you poke me in the back door

Oh Honey I’ll roll over let you cram it in my back door

I ain’t gonna be one of them Mary Magdelene whores

My pussy belongs to Jesus

I ain’t going to hell like them sumbitch moslims

the catholics and the jews and osama bin ladens

I aint going to hell like ol’ Charlie Manson

Jimmy Carter or the fucking Unibomber

And when we get married then I’ll let you pop my cherry

and I’ll love you like the devil in our home in Shelbyville

and we’ll go up to heaven and we’ll meet ol’ baby Jesus

you’ll be so glad that we waited

you’ll be so glad that we waited

Honey I feel your bone

I blacked out side the Springwater

took a piss out in the parking lot

in the shape of Africa

Blackjack, wrecked my Cadillac

bought a present for my nose and

I tore off all my clothes and then I

went down on a rodeo clown

while the bulls all watched

and gathered around

Man

Aw Man

Trippin on shrooms, cussin out the moon

like flowers for Algernon

ran down to the Parthenon

something wrong with your marble ding dong

took some speed to calm me down

and I’ll never fuck Poseidon again

Man

Aw Man

Sang CCR after huffing gasoline

threw up potato salad on the karaok machine

told my friends kid Santa wasn’t real

are you interested in boobies yet

and do you want to feel one

Man

Aw Man

Goddamn

Honey look up at the moon.  It’s a beautiful night

and you said yeah it sure is.

Kinda looks like a upper-case D in the sky.

What do you think?

Yeah it sure does.

And you ain’t got enough damn sense to stay out of the rain

Yeah there must be something severely wrong with your brain

Someone said your momma must have took some acutane.

You’re damn dumb damn dumb damn goddamn fucking dumb

You’re so goddamn fucking dumb

Honey would you like me to fix you up a special treat

and you said yeah that sounds good.

It’s a mountain dew popsicle with a spoon for a stick.

Aw hell yeah honey that sounds good.

And you ain’t got enough damn sense to stay out of the rain

Yeah there must be something severely wrong with your brain

But honey you’re good looking and I love you just the same.

You’re damn dumb damn dumb damn goddamn fucking dumb

You’re so goddamn fucking dumb